The Woman

I am today a CEO of an IT Company located in Bangalore. This is the story of my struggle.

I studied Business Management in Bangalore. I must say that no management course can teach you how to become a good woman. The definition of a good woman is rather biased. Men who advocate feminism in public are the ones who want their women to do their dishes for them and nothing except that. Women are like animals, why not? We need women's day to remind people our importance to them just like we need 'Save the Tiger' campaign to remind how tigers are important to ecosystem. Tigers, you feel sad for them but you need their skin to adorn your Guest room's floor. We are tigers. We are helpless tigers. What is a good woman in the society where her dignity is measured by the size of her cloth? What is a good woman in the society where they worship her as Laxmi to eventually rape her? What is a good woman in the society where her period makes her devil from Laxmi without any second thoughts? What is a good woman in the society that measures her integrity by her virginity?

My name is Pratikshya. It was as if my parents carefully chose the name for me. I had literally been waiting all my life to become a better woman, better daughter, better girlfriend, better friend and better student. This is my story.

My parents had already warned me about how our financial situation was not enough to sustain my study. I was blinded by my dream to become one of the successful entrepreneurs in future. I worked day and night and didn't even shed a sweat. The scholarship was the part of my dream and I labored hard to win it. The college's website had declared that I had aced the entrance and I was the recipient of the scholarship program.

I was so happy. My dream was triumphing over our family's financial eclipse. But when I went to the university, in Bangalore, to collect my Scholarship certificate, I was told that a corporate Leader's daughter has been given the certificate and my name appeared on the website due to technical error. They apologized to me. But I was devastated. I couldn't tell my parents what was happening with me in Bangalore. First few months, I lied to them and asked for money telling them that there were few technical fees I had to pay before I get the scholarship.

The lie I was telling to my parents infected me. My brother who was appearing in SLC texted me one day saying that our parents were broken because somebody took all our investment away from the chit fund (Dhukuti). He was worried and was talking about not being able to study. But I consoled him and convinced him that everything was going to be alright. I knew it wasn't. I found myself a job at call center. The night shift was tough. I had to work my ass off from 11 to 5 in the morning. The college began at 7 and ended at 4 in the evening. I hardly found time to study but I could pay my college fees. I finally stopped lying to my parents and started to save money so that I could send them.

I lost my friends in that process. How could I tell them I could not afford to go out to malls and cinemas with them? I used to reject every invitation that came from them. I became an egocentric girl who didn't use to hang out with friends. They never understood what I was going through. How could I tell them my sorrow? I might have ended up boring them. After all, they were people whose happiness depended upon how shiny their nail polishes were. They probably thought that their parents had a money plant growing back in Nepal. I cannot blame them. How can I? How can I blame someone for being richer and luckier than me?

My boyfriend, on the other hand, was asking me to pay attention to him. He sent messages accusing me of turning cold in a long distance relationship. Every day I used to get messages like, "You have changed", "You don't love me anymore", "You have found somebody else", etc. He didn't even give me space to explain what was going on with me. One day I saw my nude photoshopped pictures circulating in a social group, MSR(Men's Secret Room), with caption 'She is a whore' and everything. How quick does love change into hatred? He didn't even care enough to ask me about my side of story.

I was now a bad friend and an internet whore but far from being a good daughter. All those night shifts and working my ass off was taking toll on me and I finally gave in to exhaustion. My academic performance was depleting. I always had to give back-papers which took me to the extent that I failed my finals in the last semester.

My parents called me a 'bad investment'. I literally heard them saying when I was home after results, "We should have invested more on our Son. Our daughter ruined us. Our relatives were right. Daughters suck life out of you." They were not to blame. How could I tell them what I was going through? I lied to them that I had a final exam to appear for and I left home for Bangalore.

I boarded a train from Gorakhpur to Bangalore. I got to my seat, plugged my earphones in to tune into my favorite band 'Phony Confessors' without knowing that it was going to be the journey of my lifetime. The journey that would make me the CEO of one of the biggest IT companies located in Bangalore.

Let me quote one of their songs:

"What breaks you
Will end up creating you
The tears of today
Are the triumph of tomorrow
The humiliation of today
Is the reputation of tomorrow
Go on
Move along
The journey is waiting
The journey is waiting"