My Little Brother's Crisis

A Sad Crisis

My Little Brother's Crisis

I had never paid attention that my brother was growing up with me. It is strange how children cease to be adorable after certain age. Nevertheless, he was my brother and I did pay attention sometimes when he disturbed me with lots of questions and with zillion 'Why's that inevitably followed. I had only one reasonable answer to all of them, "Mom, take him away. He is disturbing me again," for I was a grown man of Nineteen and I had responsibilities of my own which was far more superior than the agony of my unanswered brother.

One fine day, my mother especially asked me to look after my brother who was turning seven the next day as she was going out to shop for surprises. She had planned a surprise birthday party and she wanted me to deny my brother any slight knowledge of what was going to happen. As usual, I gave him his iPad to play with while I immersed myself deep into math assignments.

It had been half an hour when a very unfamiliar silence started to envelope the entire house. My brother was unusually silent. I was worried that he might have gotten sick. Therefore, I decided to check on him.

I walked to his room where he was lying on the bed staring at the ceiling like a grown man weaving a serious thought. His left leg, rested against the knee of the right one, was violently shaking as if they were running the engine of his thoughts. I couldn't help but burst into a subtle laughter. I was amused by this innocently crude moment--child acting like a sad grown up.

"What are you thinking, Saahas?"

"Umm..Nothing. I am just tired."

"Did you play a lot at school today?" I asked a reasonable question.

He looked at me with those pleading eyes that read--'You are not understanding'. "I enjoy being tired after playing. This one is different. This is making me sad." He finally answered.

"But why?" Hence, I became the child with lots of questions.

He quickly got up and sat on the bed facing me as he was now sure that his big brother was finally going to pay attention to him this time. "See, our parents always plan a surprise party every birthday, Right?" I nodded. "It has become so predictable."

I laughed. I was moved by his clever observation. I asked, "So what?"

"I am sad because I will not be surprised anymore." He, thus, went back to lying on bed again to look for the answers on the ceiling. It was as if I forgot how to speak. What would I say to him? It was a great observation and a reasonable reaction. "You see, I am tired because I am sad and I am sad because I am tired of knowing everything." He didn't even look at me.

My brother had suddenly become more interesting than

'Height and Distance'. He moved as I joined him in the ongoing staring-at-the-ceiling game. I imitated him as I rested my left leg against the knee of the right.

"How are you so sure that you know everything?"

"I am 60 percent sure."

"60 Percent?"

"Well, I am in Grade One but I know how earth revolves around the sun and in the same way moon around the earth. I watched this on a YouTube video. It also told me that the dinosaurs were killed
when a giant comet attacked the earth."

"But it is not everything." I made my point.

"Yes but I already know what I am supposed to know in Grade Six. I am confused why teachers do not teach this to us and wait till we go to higher grades."

"Because not everybody in your class is ready to learn new things like you."

"Dad said that too. He said it is life. We have to wait." He confidently added.

"He is right."

"I am worried that I will not be surprised as I reach higher grades. Besides what good is life if my birthdays do not surprise me anymore? I am bored. I am tired of waiting to know things that I already know." He suddenly imploded.

"You don't know lots of maths and science."

"I do not want to know. I want to know how to fly without flying in an Airplane. I want to learn why mango trees do not give apple. But Mom says I am asking wrong questions."

"But you are?"

"But who decides what right questions are?"

I was again checkmated by a brutal rebuttal.

"What do you want to do?" I asked realizing that it was fruitless to reason with him.

"I want to do nothing. I am sad. I just want to sleep. I do not want to go to school. I do not want to play anymore. I hate that I will not be surprised anymore." He turned towards me and I could see his eyes melting into tears.

I was slowly realizing that my little brother was losing faith in how the system worked. I quickly asked him a question to try and explain him with an example, "Why do you watch cartoons when you know
that your heroes will always win?"

"Because there are always new villains to fight with." He quickly replied.

Checkmated again.

He realized what I was trying to convey and added, "I remember when Dad told me how our life is a fight too. But--" he paused. "--There is no villain to fight with."

"It is because you are not grown up."

"Okay, what about mom and dad? I do not see them fighting. How are they protecting earth? Who are the villains?"

"They are protecting us."

"From whom?"

"It is how dad says, 'from having a bad future'"

"I do not want a life where I don't know who the villains are. A bad future is not a villain. Dad made it up just like when he said that we do whatever Mr. God has planned for us but didn't answered when I asked why bad people go to hell then." He paused to catch his breath and added, "What if God planned that they should be bad. You cannot punish someone for doing what you asked. God is stupid that way."

The conversation was growing heavier and I was gradually finding myself out of words. "Adults are so confusing. They say life should be fun when they are the ones who don't play with us anymore. What is fun about growing up?" He asked as he went back to staring at the ceiling.

I was not sure if his questions were right. But I too was left sad because I suddenly realized how life eventually becomes only about making yourself busier and busier attaining a never ending loop of our desires and of those people who depend on us until we reach a certain point where every innate desires we have change into childish longing. We do not even notice when our time had turned into a leash that circumstances control us with. You cease to be surprised anymore and yet you have to live for the sake of living. I could finally understand what my brother was going through. I turned around to wrap him under my arms.

He and I eventually fell asleep knowing that the 'surprise birthday charade' would wake us up.

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